Secrets
by laurajane81
Summary: Ten things you never knew about the Harry Potter characters.
1. Ginny

She never had a favourite brother. People often expected it to be Ron, because they were the closest in age; or Bill, because they got along best; or the twins, because they had similar personalities. But she never had a favourite, and she prides herself on that fact.

She knew it was Harry she heard behind her, walking towards the forest, when she was comforting that poor dying girl on the Hogwarts lawn, that horrible night. But she didn't try to stop him, because she understood that he had to do what he had to do; and even though it broke her heart into a trillion tiny pieces, she let the man she loved walk towards his death. But however difficult it was to let him walk by, she knew, at the time, when she thought he would die, that she wouldn't harbour any guilt over his death, because she hadn't tried to stop him. Because if she had called out, or begged him not to give his life, he still would have done - because that was who he was, and still is. She would only have made it harder for him to walk away, and that would have brought her more guilt than anything.

She knows that most people think that she had no say in naming her children, but she did. She and Harry both agreed that each of their children whould have two names, and that they would each choose one. So Harry chose James, and Ginny chose Sirius. Because, during their time in Grimmauld Place, she and Sirius had developed a friendship, and he was a person she greatly admired. Then, when Al came along, Harry wanted his middle name to be Severus, much to Ginny's dislike. But she accepted it, because it was what they had agreed, and she knew it meant a lot to Harry. So, she chose Albus, with the nickname Al in mind. Not many people knew that she had been quite close to the headmaster, since the Chamber of Secrets ordeal. She had often talked with him in his office, whenever she had nightmares. And, when Lily came along, Harry chose the name Lily, and Ginny chose Luna. She had always greatly admired Luna, and her quirkiness and disregard for reality. And she had been quite good friends with her since they started Hogwarts, and Luna had always been there for her. So, both she and Harry had an equal say in the names, and she didn't care what others thought; because, after all, a great lot of thought had been put into naming their children.

Ginny adored Crookshanks. When Harry, Ron and Hermione were away, Ginny took Crookshanks to Hogwarts with her, and looked after him, never letting him get into the way of Mrs Norris, Snape or the Carrows. And at night, when she would finally break down when no one could see her, she clutched Crookshanks to her and smelled the smell that always reminded her of her dear firnd, brother and love, because, after all - Crookshanks had almost always been in the background, whether anybody noticed him or not, and his sweet scent had always lingered.

James's birth was very traumatic. They had been snowed into their house when James had decided to make his grand entrance, three weeks early, and as Ginny was pregnant she couldn't apparate or Floo, and Harry hadn't wanted to leave her in labour. Eventually, when Harry was in a considerable panic, Mrs Weasley had, thankfully, come to visit with a cake she'd made, and had alerted Ginny's midwife after she had got over the initail shock of coming across her daughter in labour for the very first time.

She remembers when she first found out that she was pregnant with James. He wasn't planned; she had gone to St Mungo's because she had been feeling ill for weeks, and was now starting to be sick in the mornings. It didn't even occur to her that she might be _pregnant_ - she was only twenty four, and she would have to retire from the Harpies, which she was gutted about, after only six years with them. But after she had got over the initial shock, she promised herself that she would love this baby more than anything else; that she would cherish it and and give it an upbringing to rival her own. And she did; not just with James, but with Al and Lily too.

Ginny hardly ever cried; she hated crying. She had only properly cried three times since she was six years old. When she was six, she had fallen out of an apple tree in the orchard, and grazed her knee. It wasn't bad or anything, but still, it hurt. She had cried bitterly. Her brothers, Fred and George especially, had proclaimed her a wimp, a baby and a 'stupid, cowardly girl'. Ginny had then promised herself that she would never cry again. The three times she did cry was when she had realsied that she was free from Tom Riddle's diary; she cried with fear, relief, and confusion. Then, it had been she discovered Fred was dead - she had sobbed her heart out. Then, she cried harder than she had ever cried when she had seen Harry's 'dead' body - it had been beyond anything she had ever felt. She felt as though her heart had been ripped out of her chest and blown into a million tiny pieces right in front of her eyes. And nothing she ever experienced again compared to that moment.

Ginny didn't cry at Fred's funeral. Actually, she didn't cry for him at all after the first time she realised, when she had cried for ages, amongst the dead in the Great Hall. Because she knew that Fred had hated her crying, and that he wouldn't have wanted anyone to cry at his passing, because he was a happy person, and he had died laughing; and that was what should have been remembered. So she had made a huge effort not to cry after that, and although she was breaking inside, and didn't actually fully believe he was gone - she didn't cry. Even though she desperately wanted too, she didn't.

She also never cried at happy things. What was the point of crying when you were happy, letting the sorrow out in the tears, when you were happy? That would mean letting your happiness out in tears, and Ginny never understood that. She wanted to keep her happiness inside her, near her heart, where it belonged.

Ginny's father had always told her a bedtime story when she was little, every night, without fail. She remembered the first time he had told her about 'the boy who lived', when she was five years old. She had been amazed at the story, but mostly she had felt sorry for him and a little guilty - he lived with his uncaring aunt and uncle while she had a life of love and happiness. She had told her father, then and there, that she was going to marry Harry Potter. Her father had smiled fondly and told her, 'Whatever you say, sweetheart.' But Ginny was determined. She vowed that she would show him love and happiness, to make up for his loveless upbringing.

And that is exactly what she did.


	2. Harry

Harry

When Remus and Tonks died, Harry hadn't known what to do. He was obviously greiving, for Fred, for Remus and for Tonks, and he was the latters' son's godfather. He knew that little Teddy still had his grandmother, but was she in any fit state to look after him? She was, frankly, not all that young any more and she had just lost her husband, daughter and son-in-law. And so Harry had been faced with the prospect of being a good godfather. Sirius had been a very respectable godfather, in Harry's opinion, but he hadn't, admittedly, been around for very much of his life. Harry wanted to be there for Teddy, but at the same time he was scared. Petrified, in fact. He had no experience with babies, and suddenly he had to look after one? But then, a few days after the end of the war, Harry had been at the Burrow. Tonks's mother, Andromeda, had come by and introduced herself to him - Harry rather thought that their first encouter didn't really count; he had, after all, mistaken her for her sister and made himself look rather stupid, as well as insulted her. But as soon as he held Teddy in his arms, he forgot all his silly worries - that he would drop him, that Teddy wouldn't like him - and he knew, in that moment, that he would do his utmost to look after him, and that he would love him like a father.

But in that same moment, Harry also vowed that he would never _replace_ Remus, because he could never replace Teddy's father. And it pained Harry to know that, no matter how hard he tried, he would never fill that gaping hole in little Teddy's life, and that Teddy would carry the hurt around forever. And Harry knows this because he carries that hole with him, every day, and he doesn't want Teddy to experience that pain. But he also knows that, with time, the gap won't go away, but will smallen slightly, as Teddy aquires other things in his life which will help him cope.

The Burrow is Harry's favourite place in the whole world. Not Hogwarts, nor his family home in Cambridge; although they both come a close second. The Burrow was where he first knew a proper family, where he first realised what it was like to be loved, and where he found everything he holds most dear.

James' birth was the most stressful day in Harry's life. And also the most frightening. He hated to even _think _was Ginny was going through. It was early December, and it had been snowing, and there was a fierce storm raging outside. Crisp white covered their garden, and the door was almost completely covered. They had been snowed in when Ginny went into labour. Harry had frantically tried to bash through the door, but to no avail; he had also tried smashing the windows, but all he ended up with was a very wet floor and a shattered window. And they were _still_ stuck. Ginny couldn't Apparate _or _use the Floo, and in any case, they were out of Floo powder. Harry was just starting to get extremely panicked, thinking that he was going to have to _deliver a baby_, an _actual_ baby, when, almost six hours after Ginny's first contraction, Mrs Weasley coincidentally Flooed by with a steaming vat of onion soup to keep them going through the storm. Harry never, _ever_, took Mrs Weasley for granted after that.

Harry was _thrilled_ when Lily was born. He hadn't told anyone, but after two rampaging boys he had longed for a little girl; he had hoped and prayed all through the pregnancy that his wish would be granted. He wanted a girl to protect and worry about, to give away on her wedding day - although he hoped that wouldn't be _too _soon. And when he first held little Lily in his arms, and she stared at him with those enormous chocolate eyes, just like her mother's, and grasped his finger with in her tiny fist - he was finally complete.

Harry hates that he still has nightmares. He curses himself when he wakes in the night, drenched in a cold sweat, images of Voldemort and Fred's body still floating around in his head. He hates the fact that although long gone, Voldemort still has a hold on him, a certain control. He hates that he has everything he ever wanted, but he is still haunted by the war. He hates that his memories will never go away. He hates it.

Harry still had the horcruxes in a box in his attic. Well, they were no longer horcruxes, and of course he didn't have Nagini or himself in the box. But he had the others; the locket, the cup, the ring, the diary and the diadem. He was disgusted at himself, even though he knew Voldemort wasn't in them, and he knew that he shouldn't have them, because every single one brought back horrific memories. But he coulnd't bring himself to get rid of them, because he was terrified that the moment he let them go, Voldemort would somehow materialise back inside them, and his whole nightmare would repeat itself. He knew that it was stupid, not to mention impossible, but he just couldn't make himself throw them away. So they stayed, in an old Weasley's Wizard Wheezes cardboard box, gathering dust in his attic.

The guilt of the lives lost in the war was still lodged in him, even after all these years. If he had given himself up earlier, they wouldn't have died; they would still have Fred, Teddywould still have his parents. Maybe, there wouldn't have been a battle at all. Ginny wouldn't have that long white scar down the side of her neck; Hermione wouldn't have lost her right thumb; Neville wouldn't have his untreatable (though slight) limp; Lavender Brown wouldn't be a werewolf. And everytime he catches sight of the impact the war was had on his family, his friends, the permanent weight of guilt he carries around with him raises its ugly head.

Harry had lost count of the number of times he had been offered the poistion of Minister for Magic. And each time, he said, no, thank you, and still, they asked him again. No - he wanted a quiet life, and anyway, he didn't know the first thing about being Minister. So, they kept on asking him, and he knew that he would never accept.

Harry Potter was finally happy. Despite the guilt, and the nightmares that still plagued him, Harry was able to live his life freely, for the first time. He had wonderful friends, a gorgeous wife, and three beautiful children, and he wouldn't change anything for the world.


End file.
